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[Feb. 2nd, 2008|09:09 am] |
So there is this Japanese guys right, and he is head of this small elite police task force that is charged with dangerous missions and jobs that are just TOO TOUGH for normal every day cops. His daughter is also a cop and she just got through academy and training and has managed to make it onto her father's elite unit. So they're all sitting in this small office / command center building sort of joking around and the other guys are kind of ripping on his daughter for being a girl but they're all friends having a good time together between bad ass police raids.
Many years later, the now old Japanese guy sits in that building, which has now degraded into a dusty shack with splintered wood and caked on dirt all over the facade. Inside, it seems that he converted it into a sort of military / police memorabilia place that was selling old uniforms and books and things like that. He sits near an open window, and he sees all the men from his group walking down the street, still in uniform and presumably high ranking cops in their own right by now. They notice him out of the corner of their eye, but the first two ignore him, and walk right past his shop into a bar across the street. The third one noticed the old man, and he gives him one of those looks where he's sort of shrugging with his eyes, as if to say "what are you gonna do about it?" The old man sighs and slumps over in his seat, and he stares at this small portrait on a shelf. This picture of his daughter in uniform is pristine, and it seems to be the only object in the whole place that he really cares about. As he stares at it, he says to himself "Why? Why did my daughter have to die? I have nothing left now!" and then he starts to cry.
I don't know what happened next because that's when I woke up. Why the fuck would I have a dream like that? I mean, what the fuck man.
Also martuu happy birthday pal I'm sorry I don't think I'm gonna make it because I'm still feeling pretty awful. :-/ |
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| I am pretty much the man atm |
[Jan. 16th, 2008|04:01 pm] |
So hey I have been giving lectures this year and the feedback has been coming in and it is pretty awesome and my students love me and I'm feeling pretty great check dis feedback students left for the class rite here (I'm only copying the stuff that was about me because who cares if it's not about me right lol)
Good Features
The PHD students who gave lectures made the material interesting. They were able to present the information in a accurate and easy to understand way. They were also willing to answer your questions and gave easy to understand answers. They were also very approchabale.
Fil is an amazing lecturer!
This was my favourite module this semester. The teaching assistant, Phil, was especially good - I particularly enjoyed his lectures and the tutorial. The tutorial was particularly helpful - I wish we had more like it.
I thought the lectures with the TA were really good. He seemed so enthusiastic about the subject which I think rubbed off on the class. His teaching methods were also very modern and made my thoroughly enjoy his classes. Cathy and Tim were also enthusiastic lecturers which helped us to feel that way about what they were teaching. The unit material was also really interesting. The social psych diary was also really good. Even though it was a lot of work, it gave us the chance to get to know about every subject in the lectures in more depth. I feel much more prepared for this exam than some of the other modules because of this.
Erica and Phil
Phil made the lectures interesting and more fun.
As Phil gave most of the lectures, worth saying he is enthusiastic about the subject and gave good lectures. Good continuity by other lecturers too.
Phil was a really good lecturer!
finally get to do some psychology, not just all stats! interesting area, and lecturers made it more enjoyable, especially the PhD student who taught us as he seemed to enjoy the area a lot and that rubbed off on us
I think Phil was a great lecturer. He really engaged with the material and made the lectures more interesting. I enjoyed his lectures and would give him a 5 if he was on the ratings list :D
Phil (who for some reason is not on the lecturer ratings!) was the most engaging lecturer, and he also conducted the tutorial which was positive.
Phil was a brilliant lecturer, he made them fun but at the same made us listen. I like the way we are assessed allowing us to use our imaginations.
Phil's slides especially were made really interesting and lots of good examples
Overall Comments
The student teachers were really good
Phil was a good enthusiastic lecturer
Phil was such a good lecturer and really made things clear and easy to understand.
I wasn't mentioned at all in the bad features 8)
ps happy new year guys hope you're all having a good one mine is pretty cool so far |
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| mini entries |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|10:39 am] |
hai guys, I know it's been a while since I have updated but here I have a delightful series of mini entries for you all so that you can see what's going on in my life okay here we go
- cock ring man -
So the other day I was at Waitrose (this kinda "posh" grocery store by my house) buying fajita items when I noticed this basket. The basket had a sort of typical arrangement of groceries in it like meat and frozen peas and canned tomatoes and what not but prominently displayed right at the top of the basket was a durex brand cock ring now with 40% vibration. I find it a little odd because first of all Waitrose doesn't really seem like the kind of place somebody would buy something like that but whatever man it's all about cock rings, right? But then I sort of look up from the basket and for a second, I lock eyes with the guy holding it, and for that one instant, each of us knew exactly what the other was thinking. His facial expression was one of the most priceless things I've ever seen and he gave me this sort of halfway nod as if to say "that's right buddy, I've got a COCK RING right here." I hope cock ring man had fun that night because I was really rooting for the guy.
- still losin' weight 8) -
A while back (I think) I made an entry on here complaining about the way everyone fucking notices whenever you put on a few pounds, but you can lose 20-30 pounds and not one person will say anything and it's just the most irritating thing in the universe. Especially when you bounce around a lot from "pleasantly plump" to "sort of skinny" and you really want people to notice when you are "sort of skinny". Living in England is still keeping me about as fit and trim as I'm ever going to be (which still isn't particularly skinny by most standards) but hey I'm fitting into medium T shirts and size 32 pants and I don't even have a horrible downward spiral of depression and malnourishment to chalk it up to. Although I do seem to have hit a glass ceiling I guess, and it's funny how much more attention you pay to little things once you start to make some progress. Like I still look at the mirror once in a while and say something like "wish I could lose that little bit of love handle/belly fat I have left" but what the fuck man, it's not like that shit wasn't there when I weighed 25 pounds more than I do now. But oddly enough, it bugs me more NOW than it ever did before. Oh well, I guess I'm just going crazy. Anyway, the whole point of this is supposed to be encouraging/showing off because the head of my department was making fun of me the other day (as he often does) and said something like "even though you have lost a massive amount of weight, you still have a butt for me to kick". That was pretty sweet.
- still schoolin' -
Speaking of schoolin', things really couldn't be going much better for me in that regard. I got my master's degree a few weeks ago which is way cool, and I got offered a research assistantship in addition to the teaching assistantship I already had which means I'm actually pulling in some pretty decent money this year. It's a lot of work, but the money and experience on the RA end of it is good. On the TA end of it, they've put me in charge of actually giving several 2 hour long lectures for the social psychology class this year, and it has been going really well and the students seem to be enjoying it. It's a whole lot of work but hey, I guess keeping busy beats sitting around and thinking about shit that I miss back home (MY GIRLFRIEND ) ((MEXICAN RESTAURANTS )).
Actually I guess those few mini entries are about all that's going on with me in regards to major stuff. I'm finally meeting a few cool people on account of having recently joined the video game club at my school (I know I'm so cool), and me and a buddy of mine are actually trying to get a radio show at the school station, which is going to be fucking sweet as hell if it ever happens. Speaking of which, I really need to chase that up and E-mail those radio people. Later terrorists, I hope stuff is going as well for you guys as it is for me. |
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| Store Adventures |
[Aug. 27th, 2007|11:11 am] |
Hi to all of you terrorists,
Today I shall report on a nice mini adventure I had. I was at my local international foods (aka dream come true store) crouched over by a bunch of insane looking Korean (or something) ramen noodle soups when this group of kids walked into the place. The leader of this miniature mob goes up to me and starts yelling something at me, but I'm having trouble understanding him. Since the place is "international foods" and the kid was ultra blonde, I came to the somewhat stupid conclusion that he must have been speaking polish or something. I guess I jumped to that somewhat illogical conclusion because I used to live in a predominantly polish neighborhood back home and it wasn't uncommon to have polish people assume that I am polish and randomly start speaking polish to me. This kid continues to yell at my face and I'm sitting there trying to figure out a way to convey that I don't speak whatever language he's trying to communicate with me in. Fortunately, the lady behind the counter came to my aid and said "no no no, he doesn't work here!" At this point, the kid ran up to the counter and started yelling at the lady, and I was able to make out the phrase "toffee apples". It may have actually been "taffy apples" but I'm not entirely sure as the kid had an extremely thick accent.
Yes, it turns out that he was speaking English all along, albiet in that gutter trashy "England's version of ebonics" way. Then, in one of the most hilariously ironic moments I've ever witnessed in my entire life, the kid starts going on this insane rant about how the lady behind the counter shouldn't be working in England if she doesn't speak english, while she's replying to him in much clearer and easier to understand english than he was speaking. I was floored by this (in that I literally fell over on my ass in the middle of the store), because honestly, what the fuck? I know as well as anyone that kids are really fucking stupid, but how does something like this even happen. How can you stumble around your own native language so clumsily while yelling at someone who speaks it much more eloquently than you without even noticing? Not to mention, how did the kid get me confused for a store employee in the first place? I realized during his rant that he must have also been asking me about the "toffee apples", but I didn't even remotely look like I worked there. The two employees in this tiny place were both wearing black "international foods" polo shirts while I was wearing a bright orange Reese's peanut butter cup T shirt. Also, why would you even think a place like that would have taffy (toffee?) apples in the first place? I guess I can give them that one because they're kids and therefore stupid, but honestly you could've covered the whole store in about 10 seconds to find out.
To top it all off, the kids were strutting out of the place afterwards like they just totally laid down the smackdown on some stupid Indian immigrant, while me and the lady behind the counter are looking at each other with the same "what the fuck" expression. On my way out, I did reassure her that those kids were just insane and not to worry about anything because she was clearly speaking much better English than they were, and we actually got into a nice little conversation about different cultures in different parts of the world and what it's like living away from home and what not. For the record, I did end up buying some crazy "stir fry flavor" soup which I'm sure will be delicious. In an impulse buy, I also grabbed a box of Pocky at the counter, which is peculiar because I never even really liked Pocky. I guess I was still in a state of shock at the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2007|09:49 am] |
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okay so I just had what I can only describe as the extremely interesting pleasure of experiencing one of the absolute worst and one of the absolute greatest pieces of entertainment I've ever seen in my life one right after the other. I am referring, of course, to Bioshock and the Bratz movie. I will let you decide which order those come in. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2007|09:25 am] |
Not to toot my own horn or anything but I've been flipping through some old pictures of me and damn what a difference
Oct. 2005
April 2007
you know what kind of bothers me about it was that if these pictures came in the opposite order, EVERYONE would have something to say about it. "Boy Phil, you sure are looking scummy / fat / pigeon shoulder-y" lately". Come to think of it, it's sort of an interesting human phenomenon how whenever your physical appearance becomes generally worse, EVERYONE notices and says something, but when the opposite happens, it's extremely rare for anyone to mention anything about it.
Aw well I hope all you pals are doing alright and I promise I will update with some funny stuff soon although I might not keep that promise (it is like one of the promises my dad makes, you see)
lmao owned |
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| Something that has been bothering me for a while |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|03:33 pm] |
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Maybe someone out there knows the answer to this. In baseball (or softball I guess), if a baseman is tagging a base while holding the ball when a runner reaches the base, but the ball is touching the floor at the time, does it count as an out or is the runner safe? This has been driving me insane for like 10+ years so if anyone can tell me that would be great. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2007|06:26 pm] |
Me - Why can't I increase the volume?
Brother - because you are a nigger and niggers can't increase anything... except for violence |
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| Quotes out of context - Serious analysis of my life for trivial reasons |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|05:13 pm] |
Hi terrorists! The other day, I was having one of my weird conversations which somehow led to me reading Bjork's Wikipedia entry, and I came upon this quote from her.
"I think everyone’s bisexual to some degree or another; it’s just a question of whether or not you choose to recognise it and embrace it. Personally, I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You’d be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavours.”
Since reading it yesterday, this quote has been stuck in my head pretty much all day. Mainly because I see the point she is trying to make, but I feel that cake and ice cream are a terrible example to make this particular point. Mainly because, let's face it, ice cream is WAY BETTER than cake and I will ALWAYS pick ice cream over cake without hesitation. I mean, cake is okay I guess. If I had absolutely no other options, I probably wouldn't order anything, but I might be inclined to try some sort of especially delicious cake. I suppose all of a sudden the quote made slightly more sense to me (albiet not in the way it was originally intended) because if all the women in the world were somehow wiped out, I probably would swing gayway after a while if I found some sort of exceptionally attractive and feminine guy.
Then I started to take the whole thing out of proportion and incorporating other desserts into it. What about brownies? Where do they factor into this whole thing? Brownies are way better than cake for the most part, and I will pretty much always take brownies over cake. While some people argue that brownies are a form of cake, the general consensus seems to be that it's somewhere between a cookie and cake. So within this analogy, maybe brownies would be transvestites? I'll always pick brownies over cake, I'll always pick ice cream over brownies, and I'd probably pick ice cream over brownies 95% of the time. I suppose I'd rather have sex with an extremely attractive transvestite than an extremely ugly hambeast of a woman, so I suppose brownies work in this regard. However, it would work better if brownies were halfway between ice cream and cake rather than cake and cookies, since "ice cream" is women in this analogy and "cake" is men. So what the hell are cookies? I'm not really sure, and while I'm at it, where does fruit pie fit into all of this? I consider pie to generally be far superior to cake, with some particularly delicious varieties of pie edging out some flavors of ice cream. I consider pie to be essentially on par with brownies (depending on the type of course, for instance, my girlfriend's brownies are way better than any pie, and most pies are way better than the brownies from the indie coffee shop by where I used to go to school), but they can't BOTH be transvestites, because pie and brownies are two entirely different things.
Finally, I would like to address the brutally complicated issue of cake being COMBINED with ice cream. Cake combined with ice cream is absolutely delicious and virtually always preferable to either cake or ice cream on their own. If we go back to the analogy, that would mean that theoretically, a threesome with another guy and a girl would be much better than sex with a girl alone. I would also probably prefer cake with ice cream over 2 scoops of ice cream and definitely over 2 slices of cake, so going back to the analogy, this means a guy-guy-girl threesome is unquestionably better than a 3 guy threesome (which I am inclined to agree with), and debatably better than a guy-girl-girl threesome (which I could not disagree with more). The situation is further confounded by the reintroduction of our old friends, pie and brownies. Pie a la mode or a brownie a la mode is pretty much always better than cake a la mode, so I suppose this means a guy-girl-something else threesome would be better than a guy-guy-girl threesome. I can only speculate on this obviously, but I'm not sure which way I would lean that one.
Granted, these examples don't account for every single possibility. For example, while pie with ice cream would nearly always be better than cake with ice cream, I'd rather have a slice of chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream than a slice of lemon pie with chocolate ice cream. While one could think of these examples as somehow working within the sexual preference paradigm, it doesn't actually work once you think about it. You could say that chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream represents a threesome with a super hot girl and an attractive, feminine man, while lemon pie with chocolate ice cream represents a threesome with an ugly girl and gross transvestite. However, when we look at the items individually, we can see this is clearly not the case. Lemon pie with chocolate ice cream doesn't work (at least as far as I'm concerned) because of the combination of the lemon pie and chocolate ice cream together, but seperately, they're both still pretty delicious. That same logic doesn't really apply to threesomes, as it would result in a theoretical situation where two individuals are attractive enough for you to want to have sex with seperately, but you would consider it totally gross to have sex with both of them at the same time. Now that I actually type that out, I suppose it theoretically could work that way, but I certainly couldn't think of any examples.
In conclusion, while I feel Bjork's heart is in the right place, I simply cannot agree with the logic of the comparison. I believe the most solid piece of evidence I have is that while cake with ice cream is typically preferable to 2 scoops of ice cream, a male male female threesome is certainly NOT preferable to a male-female-female threesome. Also she doesn't account for pies, brownies, cookies, or any other desserts that potentially fit into this working model.
Also in conclusion I must be gay |
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| Quick non epic entry |
[Jun. 18th, 2007|07:35 pm] |
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Hi pals I've been noticing more and more lately that a lot of my friends seem to be disappearing off of livejournal so I was just wondering what's going on with this. Is there some new alternative to this that everyone is migrating to or is blogging just kind old hat and nobody is doing it anymore? |
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| More Grade School Adventures |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|08:07 pm] |
DISCLAIMER - I'd like to point out that while it might seem like I'm just being bitter about the past when I post these, that's really not the point as I find this story and a bunch of other stupid little stories about stuff that happened 10-15 years ago to be really funny and amusing in retrospect. ANYWAY HERE WE GO
Back in probably 7th grade or so, I was flipping through my math book and checking out that section in the back where they have a bunch of charts and tables and what not. They had this one chart that listed the top ten box office failures of all time, and a movie called "Heaven's Gate" was number one. Now, this was right around the time that Heaven's Gate cult did that mass suicide, so I found it hilarious that an idiotic cult happened to be named after the biggest box office failure of all time, as if they were destined for failure from the get go. I pointed this out to a friend of mine all like "lol hay dewd chex dis shit it's heaven's gate" and my teacher caught sight of this and absolutely fipped out. In front of everyone she goes "HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT THAT, THAT WAS A HORRIBLE TRAGEDY AND WASN'T FUNNY, YOU MUST APOLOGIZE IMMEDIATELY" and I had to say I was sorry for making fun of it.
That's kind of the end of that little story but let's backtrack for a second. Using the magic of the internet, I looked up a little bit of information on the internet about this glorious little cult. The Wikipedia page on it boasts some incredible information about this utterly insane cult such as "Applewhite convinced thirty-eight followers to commit suicide so that their souls could take a ride on a spaceship that they believed was hiding behind the comet carrying Jesus; such beliefs have led some observers to characterize the group as a type of "UFO religion." They believed that the Earth planet is about to be recycled (wiped clean, refurbished and rejuvenated), and the only chance to survive is to leave it immediately" It also goes on to explain a series of insane nuances surrounding the whole thing, such as the fact that the brother of Uhura from Star Trek is one of the dudes that killed himself, or the way they all killed themselves in shifts so that one group of people would clean up after the group that came before them, or their armbands that said "Heaven's Gate Away Team", or the way they were listed in this "Cult Awareness Network" that scientologists apparently later bought out so they could take their own religion off the list. Reading about it and the whole list of entirely insane circumstances and coincidences surrounding the whole thing is nuts, and it is now that I realize my teacher was right.
Heaven's Gate isn't funny. Heaven's Gate is fucking HYSTERICAL . It is one of the fucking funniest things to ever happen in my entire life. From the fact that some insane old guy managed to convince nearly 40 people to kill themselves because jesus was hiding behind a comet that had a space ship that was going to take their souls away to the way they all died wearing those brand new nike shoes for no reason and only had paper money in denominations of five. The fact that they actually named the cult after a notorious box office failure in the first place is just icing on the cake of ultimate cult suicide hilarity. I mean, honestly. It's the kind of completely off the wall stuff that only happens in real life, because nobody could even make up something so ludicrous.
ADDENDUM - also lmao at their awesome website reminded me of another story of how they got into trouble for ripping off the Green Bay Packers logo in their cult logo. Jesus christ, how could you not think this shit is fucking funny. It's a shame the hale bopp comet didn't come a few years later because I'd imagine this would've developed into a tremendous internet joke on the same level as that dude that dressed up as peter pan or that fat guy with the lightsaber or that numa numa guy or something |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2007|12:00 pm] |
I know it's none of my business and I don't want to tell people what to do with their lives or whatever but today I saw a pregnant woman smoking outside in front of my building and god damn that shit is pretty depressing
oh well maybe she is planning on getting an abortion anyway so it's a moot point lol no but seriously it's pretty sad |
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| updating this more like buttedatin dis |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|05:28 pm] |
Hi pally-os!
I'm sorry to say my updates have been quite slow lately, but between my grad school adventures and my combat adventures I have been quite busy adventuring! Anyway, here are a couple of notable that have happened besides the usual combat with superpowered beings.
1 - Lisa came and visited me for a while and even though I was super busy, it was super great having her here. I don't really know what the point of putting that on here is because you're probably thinking "what do I care about that, Philski. Whatever happened to your time (and space) machine adventures or your fights with the black gorilla corps or that handyman Phil update where you had mart build everything and took all the pictures but never bothered uploading them." Well my friend, that would be MISSING THE POINT. I'm not really sure what the point is in this particular instance, but that makes it all the more poignant, you see. It's kind of like those movies where the point is intentionally ambiguous and there's not really a point but the director is treated like some kind of genius even though all they did was half ass it.
2 - About a week and a half ago, I saw the most amazing episode of CSI NY ever. It was sort of like the "Fur and Loathing" episode of regular CSI only not quite as insanely fascinating. I am talking, of course, of the Suicide Girls episode of CSI NY. It doesn't matter if you are into the whole Suicide Girls thing or not because you really owe it to yourself to check out the absurdity of this episode. It's just so incredible and over the top that I don't even know what else to say. It's one of those things you sort of need to see for yourself to really get. I understand how hypocritical it seems for me of all people to be telling my livejournal friends to watch something, but seriously, you can trust me on this one.
ok I am kind of tired of updating actually but I'm coming to Chicago in 2 weeks so my Chicago friends better get ready for dis
EDIT: LMAO AT DIS
Frank: Baaaah. LJ has a new IM Service !
LJ user: Why would I want another one?
Frank: Because your LJ friends automatically show up in your buddy list & you can post to LJ from it!
LJ user: That sounds so awesome and easy! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|01:30 pm] |
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updating livejournal from lecture theater podium computer kekekekekeke |
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| An odd little occurence |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|03:08 am] |
Hello pals I thought I'd update with a little story about a weird thing that actually happened to me, which is unlike the other weird things I post about as those happen to an alternative version of myself who travels in time and has wacky adventures and founds the time travelling space ninja robot revolution to the time travelling space ninjas in the future. Anyway, 2 nights ago, somebody rang my doorbell. I was sort of half asleep at the time, but my doorbell is quite loud and obnoxious so I'm sure that's what it was. I was pretty groggy, but I glanced at the time and thought I'd peek outside before answering the door, thinking maybe I'd get a glimpse of something. When I went around to the lounge window, I saw some lady walking away. I don't know if she was a friend of the previous tenant or what, but it seems awfully fucking weird that she'd ring my doorbell at that point in the night. Also it was sort of odd because the bell only rang for half a second, as if she maybe rang the wrong buzzer or something. But why would she turn around and walk away so quickly after ringing the bell? Also, who the fuck could that have been? I didn't recognize her and nobody here really knows where I live, so I'm sort of leaning in the "friend of the previous tenant" direction. Still, it's odd that she'd end up here at 4 am. There's also a chance she may have just been coincidentally passing by, but it was fucking pouring out and it was the middle of the night. Not to mention here in England, even bars and shit are closed by 1 or 2 in the morning, so why would somebody be on a sidestreet in the middle of the night like that?
Oh well, the whole was just sort of peculiar and I figured I'd post it.
quick edit: in the event that she did just turn out to be passing by, then who the fuck rang the doorbell? Now I'm getting kind of paranoid. |
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| Astonishing tales of time travel! |
[Nov. 14th, 2006|04:35 pm] |
Hola amici! When we last parted ways (outside of my little saddam update lol relax guy), I mentioned sneaking out for a werewolf hunt and I would like to report that my hunt was successful! Not only was my hunt successful, but it snowballed into an epic quest as things often do! You see, I used my newly acquired werewolf blood to fuel my time (and space) machine and take a trip Mars in the past. It was pretty boring as usual, but then a group of what appeared to be time travelling space ninjas appeared! I was prepared to do battle but then I realized that they weren't time travelling space ninjas, but rather time travelling space ninja robots. As it turns out, my future self created the time travelling space ninja robots in order to combat the time travelling space ninjas, much like I had originally suggested in some other livejournal entry a while ago (once again sweet consistency sweeter than sugar baby). Anyway, the time travelling space ninja robots supplied me with a new time (and space) machine that is also built by myself in the future. This new time (and space) machine is capable of travelling into the future as well as the past, and it is not actually confined to mars. It is also equipped with some sort of high tech cloaking mechanism that prevents people from seeing it, and it also has several auto lock features that prevent me from jumping out of the time machine and wreaking havok in the future. I guess my future self thought of everything! Anyway, the time travelling space ninja robots informed me that I am free to use this time machine to explore the future and impart it's knowledge to all of my friends. The sole caveat being that the time machine would inexplicably destroy itself after an unspecified number of trips.
So YES I took this time machine on several trips to the future and I have the following incredible information to report!
August 24th, 2030 - Scientists release a type of medication to the public that grants people eternal youth and immortality in regards to aging at the cost of the ability to procreate. It would have been released sooner, but scientists were waiting for a few key people to die.
September 11th, 2051 - On the 50th anniversary of september 11th, Al-Qaeda decides to commemorate their glorious attack on the great satan america (which has been renamed amerikkka after all the black people were kicked out in 2035) by attacking the Sears Tower in Chicago. However, they inadvertently stumble into the SUPEREAL (TM) Virtual reality simulation while looking for a good place to set off their bombs. A quick thinking VR Technician seals the inpenetrable titanium doors and and sets up a football game between Al-Qaeda and the 1985 Chicago Bears. Al-Qaeda suffers a bonecrushing defeat of 90 to 0. Commentators indicated that Al-Qaeda's poor passing and reliance on suicide bombs (to which the 85 Bears have superior defense) is what sealed their fate. The entire world gets a pretty good laugh out of this.
March 3rd, 2053 - After several additional failed suicide bombings, Al-Qaeda decides to "give the whole terrorism game" a break and enter the world of professional football, claiming that their game against the 85 Bears was obviously rigged and that they would dedicate themselves to proving their worth as American football players.
November 2nd, 2053 - The Al-Qaeda Jihads sufer a bonecrushing defeat of 117 to 0 at the hands of the 2053 Chicago Bears, which are actually robotic versions of the 1985 Chicago Bears with actual bears inside controlling them.
November 12th, 2056 - Israel and Palestine decide to stop fighting when a mysterious time traveller introduces them to delicious tacos, which he claims are a top secret recipie from the future that he will share with them under the pretense that they each promise to their respective Gods to stop fighting each other.
December 23rd, 2058 - The first documented appearance of the time travelling space ninjas. They claim that they will plunge the entire world into chaos if their demands are not met. Among their demands are a measuring cup, the recipie for tacos, a bottle of surge, and the resurrection of both Michael J. Fox and the show "Spin City".
January 3rd, 2061 - All of the time travelling space ninja demands are met except for the resurrection of the show "Spin City". Fox networks (who now owns all media outlets in amerikkka) decides that it simply isn't worth the money to re-do Spin City. The time travelling space ninjas retaliate by spreading some really nasty gossip about Amerikkka.
February 12th, 2063 - The Al-Qaeda Jihads finally win their first game against the Wyoming Bumblebees. They are so motivated by their win that they formally announce their retirement from terrorism and that the new goal of Al-Qaeda is to take the NFC North division.
April 3rd, 2064 - The negative rumors about Amerikkka finally escalate to the point that all of the other countries in the world form a raid party and attack in what was forever known as "World War III - Everyone against Amerikkka". Ironically enough, France scored the killhit against Amerikkka and took a bunch of sweet loot. They also used their new dominance to pass laws renaming Amerikkka to "New France" and requiring New France to use the franc as a currency even though it has been obsolete for over half a century.
October 17th, 2067 - Israel and Palestine realize that the mysterious time traveller was totally lying about that taco thing, and that they have existed for years in Mexico. Out of blind anger, both Israel and Palestine declare war against Mexico.
February 3rd, 2068 - New France declares war against France, which is now known as Regular France. The justification they gave is that "the franc is seriously lame".
March 3rd, 2070 - The Al-Qaeda Jihads petition the NFL for a restructuring of the league under the pretense that the Chicago Bears are too powerful of a team, pointing out that they have won every game by at least 50 points for the last 20 years. Since the Al-Qaeda Jihads have developed a reputation as the sort of "loveable losers" of professional football, their request is granted. The Chicago Bears are officially banned from using their shoulder cannons, and the Al-Qaeda Jihads are moved to the AFC East. This move sparks a bitter rivalry between the two teams.
May 27th, 2071 - The nation of Blackistan joins with Regular France in their war against New France, apparently still bitter about being kicked out of the country.
January 16th, 2072 - Mexico builds a trojan horse out of tacos and presents it to the united Israeli-Palestinian forces as an offering of surrender. Once the taco horse is transported to New Palesrael, Mexican warriors storm out and somehow take over the entire country.
July 12th, 2072 - Belgium claims that it's "Total bullshit" that Mexico took over a country in the middle east, and that if everybody is going to just pretend to not notice, they're all a bunch of assholes too. Zaire responds to this by declaring war against Belgium.
July 20th, 2073 - The time travelling space ninjas once again reappear and tell everyone in the world to get their shit settled or "some seriously catastrophic shit is going to go down".
Sorry guys, my time machine dissolved after that, so I'm not sure what happens next! Perhaps one day... |
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| Death by hanging! |
[Nov. 5th, 2006|02:26 pm] |
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You just need to relax, guy. Take a rest, put your feet up! |
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| hay guys halloween is coming up! |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|03:25 pm] |
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Check out my awesome Casey Jones costume! Well it is not really that awesome especially because the mask is really cheap and all I could find was a golf club ( BUT STILL ) |
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philski's journal
